Misplaced Chivalry and Other Thoughts on Japanese Men

Yesterday Anthon and I walked over to the train station, there, at the station was an ambulance.  We pushed the call button for the elevator that takes us up to the concourse, and when the doors of the elevator opened, there was an EMT and a girl on a stretcher.  I backed up and got out of the way (which any normal person would do, right?).  Well the EMT wheeled the gal, who looked HORRIBLE out of the elevator and then just let her sit there as he raced back to the elevator, caught the door for me, and motioned for me to get in while he waited.  I don't have the Japanese skills to say, "Forget about me and tend to the dying," so I just rushed in and closed the door.  

I thought this entire experience was quite odd for two reasons-- the first is the most obvious:  the guy is an EMT and he has a sick patient; do your job, okay.  It's obviously an emergency if they've called an ambulance.  The second reason is that this was the first act of "chivalry" I have seen in Japan.  What strange timing to start being so polite.

I've been thinking about the lack of courtesy among the Japanese men for a while and actually wanted to post something entitled, "What's wrong with the men in Japan?" but thought that might seem a little too harsh.  Since I've already begun, and because of 2 more experiences that I had today...  here are some of my observations.  

First of all, there is no holding of doors for women-- even if you are struggling through with a stroller, offering your seat on a crowded train, or helping in a women in any way.  On the trains there are designated "priority seating" areas for the handicapped, for pregnant women, and for women with small children.  Seeing that I am clearly in 2 of those 3 categories, one would think that a 30-something, healthy businessman would move when I get on with my 2-year-old.  Not so.  He glances my direction and then feigns asleep.  The only person that has ever offered me a seat was a very classy looking 70-year-old women who spoke with very proper English.  There's no way I would take a 70-year-old lady's seat, no matter how uncomfortable it is to stand for long periods of time while 8 months pregnant. 

The second challenge comes when I get to a station where there is no elevator or escalator and I have to go up or down the stairs with a stroller.  Most of the time, I make Anthon get out and walk up the stairs while I carry the stroller, but if we're going to miss our train or if Anthon is asleep, I just heft the stroller myself and take the stairs.  I know that this must be quite a sight-- remember, I'm 8 months pregnant.  I have only had women offer to help me (with the exception of one gentleman from Australia).  Today, I even had a man make me let go of Anthon's hand (he actually pushed us apart with his hand) so he could rush past me-- Anthon had 1 stair left to go down.  What's wrong with Japanese men?

I grew up with a father who is a definite gentleman.  He always opens the door for my mother, for my sisters and me, and for any other women.  He wouldn't think of sitting if any lady, much less a pregnant one, was standing nearby.  My husband is the same way.  I can't imagine Tony rushing up a flight of stairs past someone who is clearly struggling to get her stroller with a sleeping child up the same flight of stairs, no matter how hurried he was.  My father-in-law is equally courteous; he goes out of his way to make sure the women around him are comfortable.  Perhaps I've just been spoiled and grown accustom to very polite men in my life.  Perhaps this is why the "I-could-care-less-about-you-and-get-out-of-my-way" attitude of the men that rush past me is so troubling.  

My next major complaint is that many men here are perverts.  I don't want to categorize every Japanese man as a pervert; I certainly hope not every one is.  But it is prevalent enough to take notice of.  Let me relate 2 experiences I've had in the past 2 weeks:  you decide what you think.  About 10 days ago, I got on the train at about 2pm.  A man sits down next to me and pulls out a "girly" magazine.  He was not discretely looking at it; I had to actually turn my head to the side in order to avoid seeing lots more female flesh than I've ever wanted to see (I couldn't even just look straight ahead--my peripheral vision would still take in too much.)  Much more than that, he's got it open so that my 2-year-old has full view-- so I turned the stroller around and put the sun shade down.  It's the middle of the day and he's in a very public place-- what is wrong with this guy?   I was telling a friend here about that experience and she says, "Oh yeah.  I've seen that often."  Often??  What's wrong with these men?  At least find someplace semi-private; not a packed train with women and children.  My second experience happened today.  We were heading up an escalator and I thought a guy about half-way up the escalator in front of me had fallen down.  I was concerned until I realized that he hadn't fallen; he was literally crouched down on the stair of the escalator looking up the short skirt of the young women in front of him.  We went up 3 escalators behind him-- each time as soon as the young lady was higher than he, he hit the ground and stared up her skirt.  This was at 8:30 in the morning and there were plenty of people around.  GROSS.  Where is his sense of decency?  

So my question is what's wrong with Japanese men?  It's one thing to be discourteous.  It's another thing to be an overt pervert.  I am quite sure that not every man in Japan fits into these categories-- at least I hope not.  But why doesn't the rest of society shame them into behaving-- at least in public?  I don't get it, especially when it comes to things like staring up an 18-year-old's skirt or pulling out nudy pictures on the train.  Maybe society is a little like me-- too shocked to say anything or maybe they think it's none of their business.   Today is the last time I see something like that and do not respond.  Who cares if I'm the tactless American gal-- it's disgusting. 

A girl I knew in one of my wards was a model here in Tokyo many years ago, and she taught me a word--sukebe.  It means pervert.  She said you'd definitely need it here.  I don't know why that is the one Japanese word that has stayed in my brain for the past 5 years, but I've decided that I'm going to use it.  So what if I'm perceived as rude-- I think that they are being rude too.  So if you are going to sit down next to me on a train-- you better keep your girly magazine shut.